they say that silence is gold
by p.s.lethologica
Summary: "some things are better left unsaid." "this isn't fucking one of them." (( the cover image is not mine, all credit goes to rightful owner ))
1. it's 5:30

_**~ * they say that silence is gold * ~**_

"It's 5:30, Jade."

"No. It's 5:28. Thank you so much for being my clock," she scowled, rolling her eyes. She folded her arms, as she said, "What's your point?"

"My point is this is the third time this has happened this week. It's Wednesday."

"Again, thank you for being my clock _and_ calendar. What's your point?"

"Do you seriously not get it?" Beck huffed, his hands tearing at his hair.

"Obviously," she scoffed, beginning to pick at her fingernail.

"Do you know how scary it is, to wake up to find your girlfriend gone, at 3am?"

"No, because I don't have a girlfriend."

She expected at least a smirk from him, as she thought herself quite witty, in that instance; she got nothing but a stern frown.

"Do you really think this is a fucking joke?"

"Do you see me laughing?"

She could tell she was getting under his skin, just as she liked to do; she enjoyed challenging him, revelled in it, even. She liked to pick little arguments, very carefully, mind you, just to keep him on his toes. But soon she realised: she'd picked the wrong one.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he spat, slamming his burning fist against the metal wall of the RV. "I lie here, worrying whether you're even alive, and you come back here, strolling in, and try to make comebacks? It's not on, Jade! I'm sick of it."

"So you wanna break up?"

"I didn't say that!"

He was panting now, his chest heaving in and out, while hers was heavy, deflated, defeated.

"I'm going for a walk," she announced, disregarding the fact that she'd been walking for 3 hours anyway. She slammed the door shut behind her, the silence resonating.

 _ **~ * they say that silence is gold, but i think that's a lie * ~**_

* * *

 ** _*author's note*_**

 ** _i'm literally uploading this chapter minutes after my first published fic, burn in flames...enjoy, i guess? leave a review if you want. or, you know, don't. if anyone is reading this, hi. the next chapter will be up when i have finished it, if ever. bye._**


	2. it's suffocating

_**~ * they say that silence is gold * ~**_

It's suffocating. She's barely out of the drive way. The night is silent, but for the sound of her choking, retching, drowning in her own self-loathing.

She'd heard it said that people can convince themselves that something completely irrational is true, if they tell themselves it is, often enough; she'd heard it said that she had a tendency to do just that. Personally, she didn't see it. She always thought she was brutally honest. At least, she wanted to be. She wanted to be blunt; to not be afraid to speak her mind, unlike her pathetic mother. Her mother's downfall, and eventual hospitalisation, spiralled from overthinking. She never wanted to end up like that, not able to take care of herself.

Maybe she should've listened when the people (Beck) told her that she overthought things, that these thoughts she got were completely irrational. But, in hindsight, she'd probably still be stuck here, in this mess, her hair sticking to her face, as she stood, doubled over, on the pavement.

She never heard anything, safe for the blood rushing through her ears, so you could say she was taken aback, when a pair of soft, warm hands pulled her hair back. By taken aback...she kicked her foot back, like a buckaroo, straight into the mystery person's crotch. She didn't know why she did that. There was only one person it could be. Beck.

"Um...natural reflexes?" she smiled a guilty smile, as she turned to look at her boyfriend. Then she saw the look in his eyes, and remembered that she was mad at him. "You shouldn't just sneak up on people, you perv!"

"So I'm supposed to just let my girlfriend stand outside, alone, at half five in the morning?"

"Yes! Because that's what she wants to do!"

"You're impossible."

"You're infuriating."

"You're coming inside with me."

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!" He stepped towards her, dodging her jolting knee (he's a fast learner), picking her up by the waist, and tossing her over his shoulder, much to her dismay. She didn't want to go down without a fight, but it was 5:42, and she was exhausted. So, they returned to the RV in silence, the iridescent moon being swallowed whole by the pink sunrise.

 _ **~ * they say that silence is gold, but i think that's a lie * ~**_

* * *

 _ ***author's note***_

 _ **sorry this took m to publish such a short chapter, i'll try and publish chapter 3 soon to make up for it. i'm not really sure where i'm going with this story, so while i find my feet, the chapters will probably be on the shorter side :/ thanks to H4ppyHippie for the review on the last chapter, i hope you all enjoy reading :)**_


	3. it's done with

_**~ * they say that silence is gold * ~**_

"It's done with," he said, locking the RV door behind him. Jade shivered, adjusting to the warm sensations racing through her body, as Beck rubbed her shoulder.

"I disappear for hours, come back, yell, walk out again, then you pick me up over your shoulder and carry me back in, just to tell me it's "done with"?"

"Pretty much."

"I don't get it."

She looked at him, her eyes furrowing with confusion, when he leaned forward to kiss her lips; it was a gentle, chaste kiss, but she still wasn't expecting that.

"Jade, you don't have to 'get it' right now. What you need to do is go to sleep."

"What's the point? I'd have to get up in two hours anyway, for school."

"Then have the best two hours sleep you've ever had."

"That's not a sleep. That's a nap." She tried to sound snappy, but it just wasn't working out for her; she put it down to the look he was giving her, with his big doe eyes.

"Shouldn't you be counting sheep by now?" he whispered, his breath tickling her ear; she hadn't even realised he was anywhere near her ear, before he kissed her lips again, sliding her jacket off. He wished her goodnight, smoothing her hair down, as she slipped under the covers. He followed suit, turning the lamp off behind him. His arm snaked around her waist, but this time, it didn't feel suffocating. It felt _right_. It made her wonder why she ever went for a walk in the first place.

* * *

She sat up in bed, feeling unusually refreshed. She glanced at the clock, which read 10:43. Shit.

"Beck, why the fuck did you let me sleep in when we have scho-"

"Babe, relax," he said, handing her a cup of piping hot coffee. "School sent a text to my mom, they're having some last minute inset day, or something, so, no school!"

"How convenient," Jade scoffed, taking a long swig from her coffee mug, letting the hot, strong liquid trickle down her throat.

"So...I was thinking...movie day?"

"Sure, whatever."

 ** _~ * they say that silence is gold but i think that's a lie * ~_**

* * *

 ** _*author's note*_**

 ** _once more, sorry for the lack of uploads and short chapters; i explained the incredibly cliché reason on my instagram ( autumnbade) but there should be some more chapters coming soon. a guest left a review on the last chapter saying that they were confused - if anyone is confused about anything, feel free to drop me a pm, or message me on instagram or twitter (also autumnbade) and i'll try and dispel any confusion :)_**

 ** _peace out,_**

 ** _Egan x_**


	4. it's over now

_**~ * they say that silence is gold * ~**_

"Jade, it's over now," Beck said, choking back giggles, as a tear-stained face, covered in smudged black makeup, peeped out from under his arm.

"Why did I let you put The Lion King on?"

"Because...um...I don't have a good answer for that. Why _did_ you let me put it on?"

She shrugged, shushing her boyfriend.

"Did you seriously eat all the popcorn?" Beck asked, his hand begrudgingly retreating from the, now empty, bowl.

She shrugged again, placing two fingers on his pouting lips to silence him. _Again_.

"What's the matter, Jadey? Is my voice so incredibly annoying?"

"It's not just your voice."

"So I'm annoying as a whole?"

"Pretty much."

"Then why are you in my home?"

"Because you have films and coffee and popcorn."

"Ahh...so that's why you stay with me?"

Jade nodded, turning back to the movie, taking Beck's hand in hers. "You also have nice hands."

"I always knew it was all in the hands," he grinned, cupping her cheek. He pressed his lips against hers, not able to contain his smile. If only they could see her now. Without the makeup. Without the attitude. Just Jade.

"Do you have something against The Lion King, Oliver?"

"I do, actually, West," he said, placing a kiss on her temple. "It's stopping me from kissing you." He grabbed the remote to pause the film, leaning within inches of Jade's face.

But he was stopped.

"Oh no, you don't. You don't get to trash talk Disney and then kiss me. That's just not how it works."

"But I love Disney. I just love you more."

"Someone get the barf bucket," she snickered, shifting her weight to touch her cheek with his. Finally, she let him kiss her.

 ** _~ * they say that silence is gold but i think that's a lie * ~_**

* * *

 ** _*author's note*_**

 ** _fret not, i am currently working on some angsty shit (the process involves recycling some old, dusty, unpublished fanfics because i'm an unoriginal asshole) but for the mean time, enjoy (or don't) this super short fluffy chapter. k that's all i have to say for now._**

 ** _peace out,_**

 ** _Egan x_**


	5. it's time for school

_**~ * they say that silence is gold * ~**_

"Jade?" He placed a kiss on her temple. "Babe?" Another on her cheek. "Come on." The edge of her ear. "It's time for school." Her jawline.

She just groaned.

"You know, most girls would be more than happy to have their boyfriend wake them up with kisses."

She pushed him away, pulling the sheets tighter around her, with another groan.

"I bet Alyssa Vaughn would be happy."

At this, her heart stopped. Blood rushed to her ears, as her body pricked with a peculiar sensation she wasn't sure she liked. Realising the impact of what he has said, Beck began to stutter an apology.

"It's fine," she said. "I get it."

"What do you mean? There's nothing to get. I didn't mean to say that, I-" He _did_ mean to say that. He didn't exactly get the reaction he wanted, but at least he got a reaction; he saw the fire in her eyes, assuring him it hadn't burnt out.

"Leave it," she sighed, rubbing her temples. And just like that, the fire was gone, as she said, "It's time for school."

~•~

The drive to school was longer than usual, neither one breaking the silence protruding between them. It was as if they had forgotten how to speak to each other, after nearly two years of dating and even longer of knowing each other.

For the first time in a long time, it felt different.

He had been expecting something like that to happen. He'd known her long enough to know that what comes up must come back down, and Jade's mood was not exempt from that. For the past week, she hadn't been too bad; she could talk with him and watch movies with him. But as soon as the credits roll, the fire dies. He just wanted her to feel...something. Anything. Anything at all. Anything to let him know that someone was home behind those dead eyes. Those sad eyes. The eyes that mourned the death of the fire they once held.

~•~

She knew it would be a bad day, after the way that morning had turned out. There was no point in lying to herself, pretending it would be okay, just to set herself up for disappointment, when everything did go pete tong. So when she walked into Sikowitz' classroom to find a stranger rubbing her boyfriend's torso, she wasn't the least bit surprised. That's not to say she wasn't annoyed, however.

"Dude, why are you rubbing my boyfriend?"

~•~

"Little weird...let's do it."

He managed to endure the sickly sweet, cotton candy lip gloss he tasted, to glance at Jade. And there it was. There was the look he was waiting for; the fire had been reignited.

But just as soon as it had been reignited, it was again extinguished, as she sat back in her seat and rubbed her eye. So he jumped off the stage, ignoring the rapturous applause, and began to plot another plan to start the fire, because, goddamnit, he really fucking missed it.

That's not to say he didn't regret kissing the new girl. Not only was she hanging around him like a bad smell, but Jade wouldn't talk to him; karma had a funny way of balancing things out, just to fuck with his mind.

If Jade really was the brazen, controlling girlfriend everyone made him out to be, she would charge up to him and demand to know what the hell that was; part of him was glad that she wouldn't do that, because he couldn't think of a good answer. But he just wanted his girlfriend back. That's all.

 _ **~ * they say that silence is gold but i think that's a lie * ~**_

* * *

 _ ***author's note***_

 _ **here it is...drum roll please...the start of the actual story, complete with a bit of long anticipated angst (i know, i know, it took me long enough). lately i've felt inspired to write, so writing i have done. i'm pretty much publishing chapters as soon as they're written, because i like that kind of raw imperfect writing (it's probably not the best idea, considering most of my writing is done minutes before I go to sleep, but hey ho) and i'm not the best proof-reader so please excuse any errors. thank you Ywenn01 and VictoriousAgain for your reviews on the last chapter, i'm glad you're enjoying this story (even with the confusing introduction - many apologies). angst and bade are like cheese and crackers so expect a lot more to come your way very (hopefully) soon!**_

 _ **peace out,**_

 _ **Egan x**_


	6. it's always so loud

**_i'm going to put a trigger warning on, just because i don't know where this story is headed and i don't want to forget to; nothing much has happened so far, but just in case..._**

 ** _also, i don't own victorious. i probably should've mentioned that sooner. but i didn't. so. here i am, letting you know i don't own victorious_**

* * *

 _ **~ * they say that silence is gold * ~**_

Getting his girlfriend back was proving to be harder than he thought; for one, he was pretty damn fed up of waking up to an empty bed. His bed wasn't particularly big, but without Jade in it, it was so lonely.

For Jade, it was different. It wasn't that the bed was too small, or that Beck's arm wrapped around her too tightly. In fact, she didn't know what it was; she just knew she had to get out. To go away, if only for a few hours. She didn't even like being alone. Not really. She swore to herself she would give anything to have Beck wake up, to have him stop her from going out, to have him force her to tell him what the hell was going on. But he wouldn't wake up. She tried to tell herself that that didn't mean he didn't care, but it was getting harder and harder to scream louder and louder than the voices in her head, when her own voice was so meagre, and the others were yelling. It was always so loud.

~•~

The TV was probably too loud, but it was the only thing keeping him awake. He knew it wouldn't be long before she came back; he kept telling himself it would only be one more episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, before she would walk through the door. So far, he was up to episode 5.

Apparently the TV wasn't loud enough, for he awoke with a start, not even remembering falling asleep, to see Jade stood before him; her gaze flickered between him and the floor, guilt plastered all over her face.

"I...I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's the most you've said to me in two days."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice starting to crack.

He approached her, holding her body, as it racked with quiet sobs. "'They call you heartless; but you have a heart and I love you for being afraid to show it'."

"Nietzsche," she sniffled, hugging his chest closer to her.

"You don't have to be afraid. Jade, I-"

"Please don't talk; just hold me."

~•~

He held her. He held her through the rest of the night (morning). He held her through her crying. He didn't talk, he just held her. Her throat burned and her eyes stung, but she just clung to him, breathing in all that he was, until she couldn't breath anymore.

"Jade, what's wrong?"

His voice sounded distorted, as if he was yelling from the other side of a busy road, all the cars screeching past, too loud to hear anything else.

All he could hear was the sound of her choking. It scared him. He turned the light on, grabbing Jade's shoulders, taking her head in his hands.

"Jade, look at me. Jade, come on," he panted. "I need you to look at me." Her irises were uncharacteristically grey, rimmed with red veins, as she heaved in and out, short, sharp noises, coming out in rasps. "You're okay, it's okay, I'm here, just look at me." He took her hand in his, placing it over her throbbing chest; feeling the inhuman pace of her heart made her panic even more, as her sobs started coming out as muted, throaty screams. She started clawing at her front, trying anything to make the pain in her heart stop. She just wanted it to stop. And then it stopped. The RV fell silent.

 _ **~ * they say that silence is gold but i think that's a lie * ~**_

* * *

 _ ***author's note***_

 _ **thank you to Ywenn01 and EnglishGirl55 for the reviews, they really mean a lot...i hope i won't disappoint :P**_

 ** _i_** _ **think i jinxed myself by saying i felt inspired, because all of a sudden i've forgotten how to write...again. very sorry. but whatever.**_

 _ **peace out,**_

 _ **Egan x**_


	7. it's cold

_**~ * they say that silence is gold * ~**_

Her eyelids flickered opening, adjusting to the light of the RV. Her chest still hurt, her heart threatening to burst out of her chest, but at least she could breathe. Tears were still rolling down her cheeks. Eventually, the final tears dried, and her breathing evened out, until she could open her eyes properly, to see Beck's concern staring her in the face.

"A...are you okay?"

"I think so," she stuttered, tucking a few strands of dampened hair behind her ear. "I need to go for a walk."

"No."

She blinked at him, taken aback at his change in tone.

"No?"

"No. No, you're not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on."

"I...I can't," she said, her body starting to shake.

"Then we're going to be in here for a while, aren't we?" Noticing her shivering, he grabbed a plaid shirt from the bed, wrapping it around her bony shoulders. "It's getting cold, don't you think?"

"Y..yes. It's cold."

They sat in silence; it was neither comfortable nor awkward. It was just...silent.

"So, Jade," he said, clearing his throat. _Now_ it was awkward. "What's the deal?"

"Whatever you're trying to do, ju-"

"What I'm trying to do is get my girlfriend back."

"What? What do you mean? You've got me."

"No, no I don't. You know I don't. I know I don't. Even my mom knows I don't."

"Your mom? You told your mom?"

"Of course not. Don't you think she'd realise you were leaving every night, don't you think she'd hear the door closing?"

"Wel...I...I'll try and make less noise next time."

"Next time?" he scoffed. "You're seriously going to do it again?"

"I'm not even going to answer that."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what, Beck?"

"Like a...a...like you aren't even going to listen to a word I say. I can tell; you've already stopped listening."

"And why might that be?"

"Oh, I don't know, because you think you have it all figured out. You think you can just piss off and I won't give a damn. Well, I'm sorry, Jade, but I _do_ give a damn."

"It's nothing like that. You have no idea what's going on right now."

"Oh, really? Then tell me."

She looked at him, trying to disguise the feeling of being a rabbit caught in headlights.

"Exactly, Jade. You know, I thought we weren't going to have secrets anymore, not after last time."

"Don't go there," she seethed, through gritted teeth, feeling the blood bubbling under the skin of her cheeks.

"I _am_ going to go there, because I have nowhere else to go! Because you...you're just being ridiculous."

"I'm ridiculous?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you are."

"I am _so_ sorry that the state of my head is ridiculous to you. I apologise if you think this is all a joke, or whatever. But it's not, and I'm pretty damn sure I'm not laughing." She stood up from the floor, walking over to the couch. "I'm sleeping here tonight." Then she clicked the lights off, and the RV was consumed by darkness.

 _ **~ * they say that silence is gold but i think that's a lie * ~**_

* * *

 _ ***author's note***_

 _ **ugh okay so i have a deep hatred for this chapter but i haven't published anything since october soooo...suck it up. i hope you don't find it too shitty, or at least have the patience to keep reading while i figure out how to write something good.**_

 ** _on a non-fanfiction related note, i just made a liz gillies editing page thing on instagram where i post sometimes (man...i really suck at posting things regularly) so if you want to follow, it's lizgilliesedits :))_**

 ** _R &R if ya want; i always love reading reviews ;)_**

 ** _Egan x_**


	8. it's been brutally mutilated

_***author's note***_

 _ **well...hasn't it been a short minute since i last updated...is anyone even reading this shit anymore? if you are, here's a crappy chapter fuelled by a lack of motivation (but more on that after the actual chapter)**_

 _ **enjoy? or don't?**_

* * *

 _ **~ * they say that silence is gold * ~**_

She woke up, momentarily confused. She was on the couch. And Beck was in his bed. Without her.

And then, it all came back. They had fought, and she had resigned herself to the couch. So, instead of apologising, or trying to make up, she sat there, until he forced her to get into the car for school. And then they had to endure another silent ride to school; he just hoped this wouldn't become a recurring theme.

He hated fighting with Jade. He always had. But she just...she knew exactly what buttons to press to wind him up. ' _Next time_.' Next time he would stop the fight, he promised himself. Next time he wouldn't let her walk off alone at 4am. He would go with her, or just keep her in bed. He was prepared to do whatever it took, because he wanted Jade to be okay.

~•~

"Betsy! Betsy! That animal's delicious flesh can keep us all alive for another week!"

"I don't wanna be alive without Poncy! This pig is everything to me, that my daddy never was, and I'll be ding dan-"

Beck was snapped out of his thoughts, as Jade and Cat snapped out of their scene, by Sikowitz propelling a ball into Cat's face. And before he knew what had happened, the bell for lunch rang, and Jade was long gone, as he asked Tori to join them for lunch. He saw it as a way of making up to her for using her to get to Jade. It didn't make that much sense to him, but not much did, if he was being completely honest with himself.

André joining the ballet class didn't make much sense either. The last thing he knew, André was getting off with some girl from Nothridge; not that he could care much. He was more interested in where Jade had been disappearing to every lunchtime this week. So, he signed them up for salsa. Again, it didn't make sense, but he found himself at his wits end. Even just getting Jade to school in the morning was becoming increasingly difficult. If salsa could help, then he could endure. His parents always told him he was a 'natural dancer' anyway.

He was starting to see a pattern forming with Jade; every time food was mentioned, she would disappear - the last time he saw her eat, was when they went to KaraokieDokie, after watching The Lion King. Three weeks ago. He raced to find her, figuring out what he would say to confront her, when she walked into him, spilling a burrito down his front.

"Beck! Your shirt ate my burrito!"

"Because you didn't want to eat it?"

"No, I really wanted to eat that damn burrito!"

"Jade, you don't have to lie to me. I know what's been going o-"

"What's been going on? Um, I was trying to eat my burrito before _someone_ walked into it," she growled.

"So...you're not _not_ eating...like...anything?"

"Well, I'm not eating my burrito because it has been brutally mutilated. You burrito murderer!"

Now, they were starting to draw attention, as Jade's voice grew louder with every complaint.

"I'll...um...buy you another burrito?" he asked, meekly, staring at the mess of food at his feet.

"I'm not hungry anymore," she said, walking away from the corpse of what was once a burrito, a burrito that she had been looking forward to.

 _ **~ * they say that silence is gold but i think that's a lie * ~**_

* * *

 _ ***author's note***_

 _ **okay so this chapter is just stupid irrelevant crap but i feel like i owe it to - whoever is still reading this - to update. i actually just thought i was failing as a fanfiction writer because i just couldn't write, but then i found out that i wasn't the only one; VictoriousAgain pretty much summed it up in one of their (absolutely incredibly amazing) stories. reviews really do help to motivate and inspire us, so a lack of reviews, at least for me, feels like a personal failure. if i don't get reviews, it feels as if no one likes my stories and makes me kinda want to give up. that makes me sound like such an annoying, attention-seeking bitch, especially since i've only been posting for such a short amount of time, but i do really feel discouraged. in school i feel like i can't write either, so please don't think i'm trying to blame everyone on here - i'm not, and writing fanfiction does bring me so much joy, when i feel like i can do it. my point is, help me. please. give me constructive criticism. pm me. dm me on instagram. let me know what you want to see. hopefully i'll get my mojo back and stop being so hard on myself and my writing.**_

 _ **on a better note: happy december! if you celebrate christmas, then i hope you have a great advent and have fun putting up decorations and spending time with your family. if you don't celebrate christmas, having a fucking brilliant December!**_

 _ **peace out,**_

 _ **Egan x**_


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